Sorry
by ilovecastiel18
Summary: AU during HBP. Ginny didn't follow Harry when he ran after Bellatrix. When Harry runs through the fire at the Burrow to get to Bellatrix, Remus tries desperately to follow. Once he gets through and saves Harry while everyone else saves the Burrow, Harry questions him. And he breaks down. One-Shot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters used in this story, all recognizable names, locations, and characters are property of the wonderful JK Rowling, who was lovely enough to bless us with the Harry Potter books to become obsessed with as I have.

 **Summary:** AU during HBP. Ginny didn't follow Harry when he ran after Bellatrix. When Harry runs through the fire at the Burrow to get to Bellatrix, Remus tries desperately to follow. Once he gets through and saves Harry while everyone else saves the Burrow, Harry questions him. And he breaks down. One-Shot.

 **A/N:** I haven't written a Harry Potter fic in a long time, I've been focusing more on BBC Sherlock, so bear with me. I'm very, _very_ American, so my British probably won't be perfect. I was just watching HBP and I came up with a story idea. Remus Lupin is my favorite character, which is fairly obvious from my username, so I decided to write it out. I feel sorry for the poor man, but I love putting him through hell and resolving everything. Angst is my lifeblood.

….

Sorry

….

Both Remus and Harry were breathing heavily by the time all of the Death Eaters were gone. Now, they were all alone in the middle of the field. They were lucky the Burrow was okay, and were lucky to be alive. Remus finally caught his breath and turned toward Harry.

"That was extremely reckless of you, Harry. You could have died. You can't run after her every time she shows up near you, or you're going to get yourself killed!" Remus didn't yell, but he might as well have for the effect it had.

"He killed Sirius, Remus! How are you not chasing after her every time _you_ see her?!" Harry yelled.

"Because I'm old enough to know how to control myself!" Remus yelled back.

'She killed my godfather, Remus! She killed your best friend!"

Suddenly, Remus stepped closer to Harry, so they were only inches apart. He spoke in a dangerously low voice. Harry could almost hear a growl come from between his lips.

"Do you honestly think I don't know that? I spend every day thinking about how that woman killed Sirius, and how many ways I could pay her back for it. The difference between you and I is that I know when it is a bad time to act on those thoughts. Running through a field after her when there are a half dozen Death Eaters flying around was very dangerous. You need to start using that brain that is housed between your ears, Harry." Remus whispered. "We cannot afford to lose you, you are vital to the efforts against Voldemort." Remus continued.

Harry suddenly stepped back, hurt in his eyes.

"Is that all I am to you? A weapon to use against Voldemort? Do I really mean that little to you?" He asked.

"Harry…I can't get into this with you." Remus replied. Harry could see that Remus was closing himself off.

"Why not, Remus? Because the full moon is approaching? Because you were friends with my dead parents and my dead godfather? Why are you desperate to distance yourself from me? I always thought you cared about me, but I guess I could be wrong." Harry questioned.

Remus stepped forward with a hand outstretched. "Of course I care about you, Harry…" he started. He paused when Harry backed away from him. Remus dropped his hand to his side, hurt in his eyes. "Harry…"

"You need to explain this to me, Remus. Because I'm not getting this. One minute, you're yelling at me for chasing Bellatrix because I am vital to the fight against Voldemort, the next you're telling me that you care about me. Well, which is it?" Harry asked.

"It's…complicated, Harry. I don't want to explain this to you, not tonight." Remus sighed.

"Well I want you to. I need to understand what is going on with you. You say you care about me, but you don't always act like it. Especially not since Sirius died. When I needed you most. You were the person that was the closest to Sirius, and I needed you to help me grieve. We could have helped each other. Instead, you disappeared and I was forced to endure serious boughs of depression while in the hellhole that is Number 4, Privet Drive. You didn't even stop by once. Have an explanation for that?" Harry interrogated. "And don't give me that bullshit about work for the order. You can't tell me you didn't have a single hour where you could have stopped by and checked on me."

"Harry, I said it's complicated. I'm sorry, but even if I did want to explain myself, I'm not entirely sure how to do so." Remus snapped.

Harry sighed. "I get it now. Thanks for the insight. You still think I'm a child, and can't take care of myself. You don't trust me. You think I'm going to get someone else killed, just like I got Sirius killed. I understand perfectly now." Harry turned to walk back to the Burrow, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. When he turned around, he saw tears streaming down Remus's face. "Remus…" He started to comfort his friend, but Remus stopped his.

"I'm sorry, Harry. Truly, I am. I should have helped you after Sirius died. I was too wrapped up within my own sorrow to even think about helping you. It's selfish, but it's true. Do not think for one second, however, that Sirius's death is your fault." Remus explained. He still had silent tears running down his cheeks.

"But it is my fault, Remus. I fell for Voldemort's trick and led you all there. If I just would have listened to my friends and ignored it, he would still be alive."

Remus sighed and turned, sitting on a stump and burying his head in his hands. "Harry, you checked Grimmauld Place and alerted Snape before going. It is not your fault that this happened. Voldemort lured you there. And I'm sure Sirius is happy that he died protecting you. That is not why I'm upset. That is not why I ignored you over the summer."

"Then why, Remus? What did I do to deserve that?" Harry asked.

Remus lifted his head from his hands. "I'm not mad at you, Harry. It's just…you remind me of everything that I have lost. You look like your father, who I lost. You have your mother's eyes, who I lost. You screamed and cried in my arms when Sirius fell through the veil. You survived Voldemort's attempt on your life even though Wormtail betrayed us. You are so strong in all of this. You have lost all that I have. And yet, you hold yourself strong, while I remain unable to do so. Sirius's death…holding your shaking form in my arms as you struggled to get to the veil…it was the last straw. I have lost so much, and I stand to lose a lot more. I worry so much for your safety, Harry, that I have distanced myself for my own good. I do not want to have to again go through what I already have countless times. And I fear your loss would be the worst of all for me. You stand for hope within the wizarding world, but you stand for so much more to me. And I can't lose you."

Remus once again buried his head in his hands, and, despite the growing darkness, Harry could see tears dripping from between his fingers and hitting the ground. Harry moved in front of Remus and knelt down, lightly placing a hand on his knee.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I didn't know. I should have taken into account the fact that you knew Sirius a lot longer. I should have let you grieve without blaming you for mine. I'm sorry." Harry whispered.

"And I am sorry for breaking down like this. I'm supposed to be strong for all of you. For myself. I can handle lycanthropy, but I cannot handle the thought of losing you after so much loss already. Maybe that shows you how much I truly care about you, Harry. I may not show it very well, but I do."

Harry stood and grabbed Remus's hands, pulling the older man to his feet. Once Remus was standing, Harry wrapped his arms around the werewolf's back and hugged him tightly. He felt Remus's arms wrap around his shoulders.

"You don't always have to be strong, Remus. You are one of the bravest and strongest men I have ever met. It is okay to be weak once in a while. We can't all hold it together all the time. In fact, I think this makes you even stronger. Not everyone can explain their feelings to another person like you just did. I admire you greatly, Remus. I really hope you know that." Harry whispered.

"Oh, Harry. I'm sorry for the way I have been treating you. Nothing can excuse that. I should have visited you over the summer. I knew you would be really depressed about Sirius's death, but I was so absorbed with my own grief that I simply didn't want to think about yours. I hope you will forgive me." Remus replied.

"Of course I will, Remus. Isn't that what family does?" Harry replied.

Remus pulled back a bit from the hug so he could look into Harry's eyes. "Family? You consider us family?" he questioned.

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "Of course, Remus! I always felt that I had two godfathers, not just one. You're like a godfather to me, Remus. We may not be as close as Sirius and I were, but that doesn't change anything. I consider you to be more my family than the muggles I live with over the summer. You sure as hell mean more to me than them."

Remus smiled and leaned back into the hug. He realized that "sorry" was a very powerful word indeed.


End file.
